There are traditional understandings of these purposes,
but does that line up with what they really mean?
Years ago when I thought of fellowship, I thought of friendship and tried to duplicate in my ministries the things that fostered friendship: food, fun and fraternity.
Or shared experiences, common interests and some level of shared personal life.
Not bad, but not fellowship.
This is what I've found to be the significance of Fellowship:
Accountability
Unconditional Acceptance
Encouragement
GETTING THERE
This is not easy to get to, it requires that all participants are spiritually mature.
Now... acquiring this is made easier with the presence of: food, fun, and fraternity.
You can sometimes reach the true expressions of the five purposes by using the lite form of the purposes to ease people into the true expression.
Ask a middle-schooler (that doesn't like going to church) why they don't like church, they'll say it's boring.
Ask a church going middle-schooler my they go to church, they'll say it's fun
(or they are forced to go... not fun).
Fun is a great strategic tool to draw a crowd and break some ice.
This gets you closer to the goal, but it is not the goal.
Friendship can get a kid to keep going to your ministry, high attendance is good for your goal but neither one are your goal. Fellowship is the goal.
Friendship can lead to fellowship, but not all friendship is fellowship.
I can happily serve with many fellow christians and have fellowship, but not be friends.
And, in my experience, most friendships would be terminated by any attempt to introduce accountability.
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
At FCBC we do Sunday night small groups in homes.
We are a small youth group so we can get away with all of us (7th-12th grade, boys and girls) in one living room.
We start with a game, do a large group session, have dinner and then break into boys and girls groups to be held accountable with our 'spiritual habits' leaders.
We used to do weekly habits like: reading the Bible, verse memorization, praying and tithing.
But it turned out to be a big guilt trip and everyone was trying to get it done in the car on the way over.
There was no life transformation, no one was experiencing God.
We switched to harder habits.
Weekly: sharing your faith, loving your enemy, and giving/serving sacrificially
Big difference in outcomes.
The fellowship component is in the sharing time.
The time itself is a form of accountability, not to doing a deed, but to doing things to see God work in your life.
We know these are hard, so there is plenty of unconditional acceptance for our failures.
The encouragement is difficult to keep sincere.
Simply saying, 'you can do it!' or 'good job, better luck next time!' doesn't cut it.
A fail is only a fail if they didn't try. We say that there is no lack of opportunity, only the failure to look for the opportunity. When this happens we identity what held us back (usually some form of selfishness), relate how we have been guilty of the same in our own lives, and what we can do differently next week (what can we do to help)?
I'll do a separate post about our small group habits later.
ACCOUNTABILITY
Encouragement and acceptance are easy to swallow. What people cringe over is accountability.
When I was president of the Social Work club at George Mason University I learned that nothing got done without a deadline... and the confrontation with me on the day of the deadline.
Don't worry about why that is, it just is.
There are more people that fail to meet their fitness goals than there are that meet those goals.
It's easier when you have help.
We grow from persevering over resistance.
Every Friday night the members of my adult small group would stand on a scale and record their weight. One of the guys in our group is a Rugby player and was not shy about asking everyone how their week went (meaning our diets and exercise). By the time Wednesday would roll around I was really motivated to get serious. Not in a guilt way (like the students with our first attempt at spiritual habits). I wanted to care about my own fitness as much as Chris (rugby guy) cared.
We would have kicked him out if he wasn't accepting and encouraging.
How do you fulfill the purpose of Fellowship in your ministry?
Do you do spiritual habits?
Do you do small groups? What does it look like?
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